


burn down something beautiful

by benicemurphy



Category: SK8 the Infinity (Anime)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Love, First Time, Heartbreak, Infatuation, M/M, Sexual Content, adam's cupid's bow lips, adam's fangs, but Cherry doesn't know that, but the comfort is very small, one-sided Joe/Cherry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 04:54:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30050208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benicemurphy/pseuds/benicemurphy
Summary: It all starts with a little friendly competition.It ends on a weekend during sunset.
Relationships: Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom/Shindo Ainosuke | Adam
Comments: 18
Kudos: 48





	burn down something beautiful

It all starts with a little friendly competition.

Adam is the best skater Kaoru has ever met, and that’s including himself and Kojiro. He’s not afraid to admit it; in fact, he admires Adam for it. It gives Kaoru something to chase, something to aspire to, and even if Adam picks things up a little faster, flies a little higher, Kaoru’s not so far behind that he can’t push himself to keep up.

Adam is also endlessly fascinating. This, Kaoru _is_ a little bashful to admit, so he doesn’t— not right away, anyway. He loves to watch what Adam does, the way he moves, the things that make him smile that cocky grin that makes Kaoru’s heart flutter a little every time he sees it. Adam loves it when Kaoru or Kojiro do something amazing. He loves having friends who can keep up and feel just as passionately about skateboarding as he does. And he _does_ feel passionately.

Passion seems to flow through Adam’s veins like blood. He doesn’t do anything by halves, ever. He takes what he wants, and he knows he’ll get it. Kaoru has never met someone so self-assured and daring and bold in his whole life.

And he can’t stop thinking about him.

There are a lot of things they don’t know about Adam; he’s tight-lipped about his home life, only giving the barest insights into himself that rarely give anything away. The one thing Kaoru has managed to figured out is that “Adam” isn’t his real name. But the other guys Adam hangs out with sometimes don’t know his real name, either, and Adam always wears a hood to obscure his face. Still, Kaoru has managed to catch a glimpse here and there, enough to make him blush when he realizes how very, very handsome Adam is.

“Ah, geez,” Kojiro says beside him. Kaoru catches him rolling is eyes and feels himself prickle.

“What?”

“Do you have to look so lovestruck every time we go out?”

“I’m not lovestruck,” Kaoru grumbles. “It’s just fun to skate all together.”

Kojiro grunts. “Sure.” He’s frowning, but what else is new?

“He’s your friend, too,” Kaoru points out, somewhat accusingly. “Don’t you like hanging out with him?”

“Yeah, sure I do. He’s a cool guy.”

It takes serious effort to stop himself from smiling just _thinking_ about how cool Adam is. “So there,” he says, rather than the vehement agreement he _wants_ to give.

Adam always shows up a little late. Kaoru and Kojiro have talked about it before, and they’ve pretty much pieced together enough to know that Adam doesn’t have a lot of freedom and has to sneak out to meet them.

Embarrassingly, the rebellious, dangerous side of him is something Kaoru is apparently very much into.

“Hey,” Adam says when he strolls up, nonchalant as ever. His lips curl up into the slightest smile, more of a smirk, really, and Kaoru’s heart skips a beat.

“Hey,” he says, going for the same unaffected cool, but judging by Kojiro’s snort, he doesn’t quite hit the mark.

Kojiro goes in for a fist bump with Adam and greets him, “Sup.”

Adam nods at Kojiro and turns toward Kaoru. His smile stretches a little wider, gets a little cockier, and he says, “Hi, Cherry Blossom.”

Kaoru can tell when he’s being teased, but he doesn’t mind so much when it’s coming from Adam. Having Adam’s attention on him is like a drug; he _craves_ it, can’t get enough of it, feels high when he gets it. He grins back.

Adam turns and pushes off on his skateboard. “Let’s go!” he calls behind him, and they’re off.

____________________

Running from the cops is a special kind of thrill. It’s not like they’d get arrested or anything, but none of them want to get in trouble with their parents for sneaking out and general delinquent behavior, especially Adam. Despite that, Adam seems to have the most fun when they’re being chased off. He’s always a little wild when they get away with it; his grin is sharp, and though he’s always enchanting, he has an energy about him after a good adrenaline rush that makes him nearly irresistible.

They’re all panting and out of breath when they manage to shake off the cops. Kojiro slumps against the nearest wall and lets out a sigh. “Man, I thought they were gonna get us this time.”

“Nah,” Adam laughs. “They’re just a bunch of pigs. They were only keeping up because we let them.”

Kaoru is distracted by the enormity of the feelings Adam brings out in him, which is why he’s caught completely off guard when his wheel hits a rock and shoots out from under him. Adam is there in a second, lightning fast as always and _strong_ when he catches Kaoru like it’s nothing.

He’s breathtaking. Kaoru is helpless to do anything but gaze up at his face, hidden beneath his hood. He can _almost_ make out the color of Adam’s eyes this close, but not in the dark. What he _can_ see clearly is Adam’s sweet cupid’s bow lips, so close Kaoru feels magnetized to them. They stay just like that, suspended for a few long seconds, and then Adam smiles, rights him on his feet, and steps away.

He walks toward the edge of the overpass they’re hiding under and shakes the sweat out of his hair. He sighs. For a brief moment, he doesn’t seem quite so invincible; he just seems like a teenage boy.

And then he takes off his hood and turns around, and Kaoru feels butterflies erupt in his stomach at the intense beauty of him.

“It doesn’t matter if you see me,” he says when Kaoru questions it. “You guys are special.” And in that moment, all Kaoru wants, with an urgency that grips his very soul, is to really _see_ Adam, and for Adam to see him, too.

_Special_.

The word rattles around inside Kaoru’s head.

Adam thinks _he’s_ special.

Before he can come up with anything to say to that, they hear the _whoop_ of a siren nearby and see flashlights shining down from up above. Adam springs into action and pushes Kaoru out of the way of the light and against the concrete wall of the overpass, covering him with his body and lifting his hood over his head again.

There’s chatter above them, a few cops clearly looking for them or for something else, Kaoru doesn’t know or care. All he cares about right now is the feeling of Adam looming over him, his face so close Kaoru really could kiss him if he wanted to. He likes the feeling of being surrounded by Adam, maybe a little _too_ much, and maybe he’s a lot more obvious than he realizes because Adam is smirking down at him like he knows exactly what Kaoru is thinking.

“Are you the type of person who goes after what he wants?” Adam asks. He waits. Even as the footsteps and voices recede and the flashlight beams get farther away, Adam stays where he is.

It’s an invitation as much as it is a challenge. All Kaoru has to do is work up the courage to just _do it_.

His heart thunders in his chest, his pulse rabbit-fast as he psyches himself up. He’s going to do it. He can be that guy for Adam.

With all of the courage he can summon, he reaches for Adam with both hands, slipping them inside his hood and pulling him down as he surges up to meet him halfway. He screws his eyes shut, and the moment their lips meet, he feels his insides heat like molten lava ready to flow out of him. He can feel Adam’s smile grow against his lips. One hand comes up to pull him closer by the hip as Adam takes another half-step into Kaoru’s space, effectively pressing them completely together.

Adam kisses like he does everything else: passionately and skillfully. Kissing Adam is breathtaking, literally— when Adam pulls back, Kaoru can’t help but chase his lips despite being out of breath. Adam grins that sharp, teasing grin of his, whispers, “Good boy,” and steps away.

Kaoru is in a kiss-induced fog for the rest of the night. He can’t stop replaying the feeling of Adam’s lips on his, tongue grazing his lip piercing like a tease, teeth ever-so-gently tugging his bottom lip as they pulled away. He knows his face must be red for a long time after the fact, but he can’t help it; he’s thoroughly taken by Adam, and there’s no going back now.

Eventually, Adam has to go home, which he announces with the kind of heavy regret that sticks. It makes Kaoru ache; he doesn’t know what goes on in Adam’s home, just that Adam never wants to go back to it. He aches to make Adam happy, to see him smile and laugh the way he does when they’re out here just the three of them, when Adam seems so carefree and untouchable. He wants to hold him close and feel his heartbeat under his palm and gaze into his eyes at night when he’s on the edge of sleep.

When Adam turns to go, it’s a reflex for Kaoru to reach out and take his hand. Adam stops and turns, and, just like before, he waits with that knowing smile curving up his perfect lips.

Kaoru doesn’t hesitate this time, but it still feels like jumping off a cliff to initiate a kiss with Adam. But Adam catches him, just like Kaoru trusted him to, and kisses back with so much confidence it makes Kaoru’s head spin.

“Bye,” Adam says, once again pulling back before Kaoru is ready to stop, and this time Kaoru knows he’s blushing fiercely.

“See you,” Kojiro says, quiet and subdued.

He stays that way all the way home, though Kaoru barely notices. He feels like he’s floating on a cloud. He’s staying at Kojiro’s, as usual when they’re out too late for Kaoru to show up at home, which is great because he might explode if he has to hold it in for one more second.

He flops backward onto the bed with a sigh. “Did you see me, Kojiro? I— I _kissed him_. Oh my god.”

“Mhm.”

“I just _wanted_ to, so I did it. Isn’t that crazy? Who does that?”

“Adam does that. Isn’t that what you like so much about him?”

Kaoru sighs again. “It’s not just that. He’s just… so _cool_. And he’s strong, too. Did you see when he caught me like that? He didn’t even flinch. And— god, he’s _tall_.”

“I’m taller than he is,” Kojiro says with a dramatic eye-roll that is wholly uncalled for.

“What? No you’re not.”

“I am!” Kojiro stands from his place on the floor and towers over Kaoru. “I’ll show you!”

“Geez, you ape, stand down. I get it, you’re tall.”

Kojiro’s face flushes red. “Whatever.” He plops back down on the floor and lies out on his back. It’s quiet for a while. It’s weird.

“What kind of weird macho complex do you have that makes you care, anyway?”

“I _don’t_ ,” Kojiro snaps.

Kaoru rolls his eyes. “Right, that’s why you’ve been moping all night.”

“I’m not moping,” Kojiro mutters. “I just don’t like being a third wheel.”

Kaoru softens at the admission. He didn’t mean to make his best friend feel left out, it’s just… Well, it’s just that he’s never felt quite like this before, and he doesn’t know what to do with himself and all of these huge feelings.

“Sorry.”

Kojiro grunts. “It’s fine.” After a while, he says, “I’m going to take a bath.”

“Oh, a bath sounds so nice,” Kaoru muses. “I should take one, too, so be quick.”

“I’ll take as long as I want.”

“ _Kojiro_.” If Kaoru didn’t know better, he might think Kojiro was _trying_ to ruin his night. But that won’t be possible, because he can still feel Adam’s hand on his hip and his tongue on his lip.

“You could come with me if you’re so worried,” Kojiro says with a shrug and a nonchalance that only he can pull off. Kaoru feels heat creep up into his cheeks.

“No way!”

“Suit yourself, then.”

He disappears into the bathroom, leaving behind a thoroughly scandalized Kaoru.

What the hell was that?

Kaoru is nearly asleep when Kojiro comes back.

“Your turn.”

“Too tired,” Kaoru mutters. “You took forever.” He tries to shoot Kojiro a glare, but it’s likely not very effective when he’s half-asleep. In reality, he’s not that mad; he’s still floating on air, still reliving the feelings of the night, and he expects he’ll dream about Adam tonight, too.

He hears Kojiro pull out the futon and tries to ready himself to move so that he can switch places with Kojiro.

“You take the bed tonight,” Kojiro says before Kaoru can even try to move. “I’m fine down here.”

“You sure?”

“Mhm.” It’s quiet for a while. Kaoru listens to the rustling of the futon and Kojiro’s steady breathing and lets himself feel. “Hey, Kaoru?”

“Mm?”

“What _do_ you like about him?”

Kaoru’s heart flutters. “Everything,” he answers truthfully. “He makes me feel alive. He’s just amazing… And he’s so _hot_ ,” he adds, unable to control himself. God, he’s so gone.

“Is he that hot?”

“You just don’t get it because you don’t like men,” Kaoru mumbles, once again on the edge of sleep.

“…Right.” Kojiro sighs. “Goodnight, Kaoru.”

“‘Night.”

____________________

Adam is a hard read. He seems to like kissing Kaoru, but Kaoru has to initiate it. Adam is receptive, every time, and he kisses Kaoru until he’s dizzy, but he’s never the one to make the first move.

But he flirts and he teases, and he _loves_ working Kaoru into a tizzy until Kaoru is too flustered to flirt back.

“You look so pretty when you blush,” Adam says, that same teasing lilt to his voice as he brushes a finger across Kaoru’s cheek. “As pretty as the cherry trees.”

Sometimes Kaoru feels the overwhelming urge to hold his hand or do other sappy things that teenagers in love are supposed to do. But he doesn’t know if _they’re_ in love, or if just _he’s_ in love — because he is _definitely_ in love — and sometimes it makes him feel squirmy inside.

One night, a couple of months after their first kiss, Adam shows up in a _mood_. He goes on a tear around town, fast and just this side of too daring, and it’s hard for Kaoru and Kojiro to keep up. He doesn’t stop until he tries to hop a stupid gap that even he should know isn’t possible and ends up with a ruined uniform, road rash on his leg, and a majorly split lip. All in all, he’s lucky it wasn’t worse.

“I don’t want to go home tonight,” he says quietly after Kojiro helps him up and Kaoru gently dusts him off. He flinches at the touch.

“Stay with me,” Kaoru says before he can second-guess himself. He’s afraid Adam will say no and prepares himself for the crushing disappointment he set himself up for.

Instead, Adam says, “Okay.”

Kojiro decides not to join them.

It’s late, so they have to sneak back into Kaoru’s room through the window, which Adam seems to find fun, to Kaoru’s relief. He takes a long look around the room once they’re inside, like he’s never been in a teenage boy’s room before despite being a teenage boy himself. It would probably make Kaoru feel self-conscious if not for the wondering expression Adam is trying and failing to hide. Kaoru takes a look around his own room— it’s pretty normal, all things considered; there are posters on the walls of the bands he likes, books on the shelves, inks and brushes on the desk, his school bag slung across his desk chair. There’s a stash of BL manga hidden in plain sight so his parents won’t wonder why he’s hiding them, which is possibly the most incriminating thing in his room, and Adam zeroes in on them immediately.

He picks one up and flips through it and stops when he’s about halfway through. Kaoru has read that volume at least three times already, so he knows that roughly halfway through is when the main character’s crush kisses him in the empty hallway at school.

“You can borrow it, if you want,” he offers. Adam shakes himself out of it and closes the book, placing it back on the shelf and moving on to study more of Kaoru’s books.

“So your parents know?”

“Know what?” It’s interesting, watching Adam take in the mundane but intimate details of Kaoru’s life and self. His room is a sanctuary; it’s his safe place, where he can go when he’s feeling overwhelmed or anxious and needs some space from the rest of the world.

“That you like boys?”

“Oh.” Kaoru shrugs out of his uniform jacket and hangs it neatly in his closet. “No. They don’t look too closely at my things.”

“Aren’t you afraid of what would happen if they find out?”

Heat rises up Kaoru’s neck. He wants to have this conversation with Adam so much, but it’s still an uncomfortable topic. “I guess a little,” he admits. “I don’t know when I’ll tell them. Maybe after I go off to university.”

“You’re going to tell them?” Adam’s face is unreadable, but his tone gives him away.

“You aren’t going to tell yours?”

Adam’s answering laugh is humorless. “It’s not in the plan.”

There’s not much Kaoru can say to that, but it makes him immensely sad. He follows his urge and reaches out for Adam’s hand. It takes Adam by surprise and he yanks his hand away, and Kaoru’s heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach. Adam’s eyes are wide when they meet Kaoru’s; he seems to realize what he’s done and takes Kaoru’s still-outstretched hand.

“I’m sorry,” he says. He steps closer. “I like your room.”

“Thank you.”

They’re on the precipice of something here, and Kaoru is ready to fall.

It feels different here in the privacy of his bedroom. His heart hammers in his chest as he pulls Adam closer by their joined hands and closes the space between them. “Your uniform is ruined.”

“I have others.”

“Maybe you should… get rid of this one?” It comes out like a question, because no matter how suave and cool he wants to be, he’s still kind of amazed that this incredible guy is giving him the time of day.

Adam’s perfect lips turn up into his signature smile. They’re so pretty, bowed like a heart, and Kaoru can’t stop thinking about kissing them, so he does. Adam lets go of his hand to wrap both arms around Kaoru’s waist, and Kaoru wraps his own around Adam’s neck to hold him close.

This kiss isn’t like the ones they’ve shared _out there_ , in the company of Kojiro and the rest of the world. This one turns heated, with tongue and teeth and Adam’s fingers pressing into the base of his spine. He’s lit up from the inside out, scorched where Adam’s hands touch him, lightheaded with the way Adam commands his lips.

He wants more. It consumes him.

Kaoru’s hands shake as he brings them down to Adam’s chest, toying with the closure on his jacket. “Can I…?” Adam nods. Kaoru opens it for him slowly, trying to calm the nerves threatening to undo him. Adam lets him take full control; Kaoru pushes it over his shoulders and off, letting it fall to the floor in a heap. The hoodie Adam always wears underneath is tight and soft. There’s no zipper, so it has to go over his head. Kaoru swallows and fumbles with the bottom hem.

After a few seconds of hesitation, he has to take a few steadying breaths. “I’m nervous,” he admits quietly, and he hates himself for it. He wants to be fearless for Adam.

“Is this what you want?” Adam asks. His own hands are still on Kaoru’s waist, thumbs rubbing small circles over his shirt. He tugs at the fabric a little, and it makes Kaoru’s heart skip a beat.

“Yes.” God, does he _want_ it.

“Then take it.”

He nods and slides his hands beneath Adam’s hoodie. Adam lifts his arms when he pushes up and lets Kaoru remove it completely, and then he’s shirtless and beautiful in Kaoru’s bedroom, and Kaoru practically swoons. He’s so _tall_ and _broad_ … so fit…

“Like what you see?”

Kaoru nods. “You’re so hot.”

Adam laughs a joyful laugh. “Are you going to show me what you have going on under those clothes, or are you just going to keep ogling me?”

It’s all the encouragement Kaoru needs to pull off his tie and unbutton his shirt and drop it next to Adam’s on the floor. He’s not worried about what he looks like; he’s smaller than Adam, but he knows his own body is nothing to scoff at. Adam seems to agree, judging by the way his smile turns crooked and his eyes go liquid. His hands ghost over Kaoru’s skin, not quite touching. It drives him wild.

“Touch me.”

Adam doesn’t need to be told twice. His hands are so gentle, almost reverent as they sweep across Kaoru’s torso. His touch is shockingly delicate, like he’s afraid to do more, or maybe is just waiting for permission. Somehow, it makes him even more beautiful in Kaoru’s eyes, and he wonders, briefly, how he made it here with such a man.

Unable to wait any longer, Kaoru steals another kiss that Adam immediately reciprocates. He backs them up toward the bed, lips locked, and when his knees hit the bed frame he makes sure to pull Adam down with him when he goes.

It’s somewhat of a blur after that. Adam’s mouth is a menace; he bites and sucks at any piece of exposed skin he can find. Kaoru is too distracted to know when his pants join the rest of their clothes, just lifts his hips when Adam’s fingers graze the waistband and lets them go.

“Yours too,” Kaoru pants through heated kisses. “All of it. Take all of it.” He barely knows what he’s saying, but he knows he wants it. He wants to give it all to Adam. He wants to be the person who does what he wants without overthinking it. He wants the freedom that Adam lives and breathes whenever they’re together.

He’s never felt anything like this— this heat that licks at his skin everywhere he brushes against Adam’s naked body. They sink together into the sheets, and Kaoru is lost in it. Every press of Adam’s lips, every pass of his tongue, every bite made by Adam’s sharp canines sends him spiraling.

And when Kaoru decides he needs more, _more_ , Adam lets him have that, too. He goes easily when Kaoru rolls them over. From above looking down, Adam is even more breathtaking, his hair haloing his beautiful face, puddled on Kaoru’s sheets. He takes a moment just to look at him, and Adam looks back. There’s no telling what he’s thinking behind those captivating eyes, but when he reaches up and ever-so-softly tucks Kaoru’s long, unruly hair behind his ear, his heart tells him that whatever it is, it’s okay— that maybe, Adam’s heart is the same as his.

“I like you,” Kaoru breathes. It’s an accident; he doesn’t mean to say it, but he’s not sorry about it, either.

Adam doesn’t answer, but there’s wonder in his eyes when he reaches up to cup Kaoru’s face in both hands. His thumbs are gentle over his cheekbones, then his lips. His fingers slide into Kaoru’s hair and pull him down for another kiss. Kaoru lets himself settle fully on top of Adam and kisses him like he might never get to again.

A shiver runs up Kaoru’s spine as Adam’s hands brush through the long strands of his hair, and then lower, sliding across the skin of his back, the cinch of his waist, and over the soft swell of his ass.

Finally, Adam says, “You’re a work of art, Cherry.”

He’s overwhelming. _Kaoru,_ he wants to say. _Call me Kaoru_. Instead, he kisses him silly because he can’t contain the feelings Adam inspires in him.

They move together in a steady rhythm, assisted by Adam’s big hands on Kaoru’s backside keeping them pressed together. It’s hot and heady, especially when they’re both panting and moaning and sharing the same air.

“Adam,” he moans, close to reaching his climax. “Adam.” His orgasm washes over him just as he tilts Adam’s chin up to kiss him again, and he bites down hard on Adam’s lip. Adam groans right after, hands squeezing Kaoru’s cheeks and keeping them pressed together as they both come down from the high together.

One of Adam’s hands traces long lines up and down Kaoru’s back while the other makes its way back into Kaoru’s hair. Kaoru rests where he is; Adam doesn’t seem to mind, and it feels so intimate to lie here like this with him. Kaoru isn’t ready for it to end.

“Was that your first time?” Adam asks after a while. Kaoru blushes something fierce, but nods. He wants to ask if it was Adam’s, too, but he knows himself; he knows if Adam says no, Kaoru will be jealous and anxious about how he matches up to whoever came before him. Adam doesn’t offer the information, either, but he asks, “Why did you choose me?”

It’s unnervingly vulnerable— something Kaoru has _never_ thought about Adam. Kaoru associates Adam with strength and passion and intensity; vulnerability isn’t something Adam does. It feels very important to answer correctly.

“I just want to know you,” Kaoru admits. “And I want you to know me.”

Adam hums and resumes stroking his hair. “I know you.”

_Do you?_ Kaoru wonders. _Do you want to?_ He snuggles in close. They should probably get cleaned up, or maybe put some clothes back on in case anyone comes knocking, but right here, naked and sated in Adam’s arms in the quiet, peaceful night, there’s nowhere else Kaoru would rather be.

____________________

“So you and Adam are getting pretty serious, huh?”

Kaoru shoots Kojiro a look. “It’s not like that,” he answers. “We’re friends.”

Kojiro rolls his eyes. “Right, sure. Those bite marks on your neck really scream ‘friends’ to me.”

Heat flares in Kaoru’s cheeks, and he self-consciously brings a hand up to cover the marks he knows are visible. He hadn’t given them much thought that morning, still pleasantly sore all over from Adam’s enthusiastic performance, but he should have known Kojiro would feel compelled to call him out for it.

“It’s not like that,” he repeats, because it’s _not_. Whatever this is between them, it’s a casual thing. They don’t go on dates or meet up during daylight hours. It’s always after dark, when Adam can sneak away to come see him, and it’s always over before the light of day breaks.

Every time, Kaoru wonders if they can ever be more than they are now. He recognizes by now that he’s falling faster and harder than he ever intended, and it’s terrifying, but in a good way.

Kojiro huffs a sigh. “Whatever you say. I just don’t remember you ever showing up covered in hickeys and bite marks after hanging out with your other _friends_.” He reaches up and gently brushes a thumb against the most prominent mark on Kaoru’s neck. It’s way too gentle and way too intimate for the two of them. “What does he do to you?” Kojiro wonders aloud, and Kaoru isn’t even sure if he means to say it, but it heightens his defenses nonetheless.

“He’s not doing anything _to me_. I happen to _like_ it. Besides, I’ve seen you with your girlfriends, Kojiro. It’s not like you’re some saint who can do no wrong.”

“A hickey is way different, Kaoru. There are bite marks in your neck. I can see where his fangs got you.” Kaoru tries to hide the marks with his hair; he loved them this morning, but it’s starting to feel like something he should have kept private. He didn’t sign up for this kind of judgement. It’s _his_ body, _his_ relationship, and he can do what he wants without needing anyone else’s approval. “Jesus, did he draw blood?”

The answer is yes, but Kaoru won’t tell. It felt good. It’s not that weird.

“Mind your own business,” he snaps, backing away and smacking Kojiro’s hand away. “I don’t understand why you care so much, anyway! I’m happy with him. Don’t you get it? I’m falling in love with him, Kojiro, and if you can’t be supportive of that, then why are we even friends?”

Kojiro looks like he’s been slapped; he schools his features quickly, but not quickly enough to hide the way his face lights up with an embarrassed flush.

“Sheesh, sorry for caring, I guess. But don’t come crying to me when he breaks your heart.”

“He won’t,” Kaoru insists, because he’s stubborn and he doesn’t like to be wrong, even though deep, deep down, he knows if anyone’s heart is getting broken, it’ll be his own, because he won’t be the one to break off this thing with Adam.

Kojiro’s sidelong glance suggests he has more opinions on the matter, but he keeps his mouth shut. It almost drives Kaoru crazy.

_He just doesn’t get it_ , he tells himself. _He could have any girl he wants. He doesn’t understand what it’s like to be with someone like Adam._

He doesn’t understand what it’s like to be the one always chasing, never the one being chased.

Later, when they meet Adam at their usual place under the bridge, Adam whisks him up into his arms and dips him low with a kiss that steals the air from Kaoru’s lungs.

“I missed you today, Cherry.” He presses two fingers to Kaoru’s neck in the same place Kojiro touched him earlier. “So pretty,” he whispers. Kaoru doesn’t know if he’s talking about him or his marks.

He’s been changing, lately; he’s bolder now and free with his touch. He’s wilder when they skate, rougher when they make love, and louder when he laughs. He’s coming alive right before Kaoru’s eyes, and in some ways it scares him, but in others it only makes him fall harder.

Kojiro clears his throat and takes off on his board. “Found a new spot,” he calls back to them. “Try and keep up.”

And if there’s one thing they both know about Adam, it’s that challenge is what calls to him. One moment he’s sweeping Kaoru off his feet, and the next, Kaoru is struggling to keep up as Adam zips past Kojiro easily and leaves him in the dust.

Kojiro slows down just enough to help him catch up, and honestly, Kaoru kind of resents him for it.

“I don’t need your pity,” he snaps, feeling unexpectedly raw. “I’m just as fast as you.”

Kojiro scoffs. “No you’re not. Not with those skinny legs.”

“My legs are plenty strong! At least I’m not a giant like you.”

“I thought you said I wasn’t tall.”

“I—” He feels flustered and he’s not sure why. “Shut up!” Kojiro’s smug, crooked grin only serves to fluster him further. He feels hot. It’s annoying.

Up ahead, Adam finally realizes they’re behind and circles back. His movements are so fluid, it’s almost like he’s dancing. Kaoru is intimately familiar with the way his body moves, but watching him still makes his heart flutter.

“What’s the holdup?” Adam looks between the two of them, at Kojiro’s smugness and Kaoru’s deep blush, and scowls. Kaoru’s stomach lurches.

“Nothing. Kojiro was just teasing me.”

It’s jarring how quickly Adam’s demeanor changes. His fun, infectious energy melts into a coldness that Kaoru hasn’t seen on him before.

“Oh, Nanjo.” Despite that, his voice is perfectly pleasant, as always. “I have a lot of energy to burn. What do you say we have a race?”

And Kojiro, never one to back down, especially when he knows it’s personal, says, “Get ready to lose, Adam.”

Adam’s grin is predatory. “I don’t think so.”

Watching them race is a bizarre experience. His heart wants Adam to win— to keep being that beautiful, enchanting, wonderful boy that captured Kaoru’s heart. But the rational part of himself tells him that this is different; this type of skating isn’t motivated by joy and the rush of freedom— it’s about anger.

Kojiro is fast, but Adam is faster. He’s also more reckless, his single-minded need to be _better_ driving him to go harder, be more dangerous. Even so, his movements are captivating and skilled. His skateboard is an extension of himself. He’s breathtaking, and Kaoru wants so desperately to be able to keep up. Even when Kojiro takes a turn too fast and takes a hard tumble, Kaoru can only think, _I could do it. I could finish the race._ And when Adam looks down on Kojiro with thinly-veiled displeasure, he thinks, _I’ll make sure you never look at me like that_.

He goes to his friend to make sure he’s okay, lifts him up and dusts him off.

“I’m fine,” Kojiro says. “Just a scratch.” He’s dusty from the road, and his palms are all banged up, but it’s nothing serious. To Adam, he says, “That was reckless. Do you know how fast you were going?”

“I do,” Adam answers flippantly. “I know how to control myself, unlike you.”

The remark is so harsh, so unlike the Adam that Kaoru has gotten to know. “Adam—”

“What do you think, Cherry? I bet _you_ can skate with me, can’t you?” He’s wearing that wicked smile that makes him look so untouchable.

Kaoru’s heart flutters. “Of course.”

At the top of the hill, Kojiro pulls him aside. Kaoru doesn’t miss the way Adam’s glance slides over to the two of them and then back ahead.

“Be careful,” Kojiro says. “Something’s different.”

“He’s still Adam.” Kaoru watched the last race. He saw where Kojiro slipped up. All he has to do is make sure he approaches from the right angle, drops his speed enough at the turn but executes it flawlessly so that the drop in speed doesn’t slow his momentum. “I’ll be fine.”

Kojiro’s eyes are concerned, but he nods. “Good luck.”

“Are you two done over there?” Adam’s smile is gone now. There’s a coldness in his gaze when he looks at Kojiro that never used to be there, and Kaoru wonders what changed. Did something happen? Where is the fun-loving boy he fell in love with?

He lines himself up with Adam, and on his mark, they take off.

Adam is _fast_. It’s one thing to watch him, but another thing altogether to go up against him. It gets Kaoru’s blood pumping in the best way, and he catches himself wishing, fleetingly, that he could stay like this forever with Adam. But as he watches Adam’s lead stretch out in front of him, he already knows that whatever this is, it definitely can’t last forever. He crouches to lower his center of gravity and increase his speed. Up ahead, Adam’s form is flawless. His hood flies back with the force of the wind against his face, ruffling his hair in the open air, and when he looks back at Kaoru, bathed in moonlight and so painfully beautiful, Kaoru feels the beginning of his impending heartbreak.

In the end, Adam wins by a landslide, and though Kaoru makes it to the end, he knows it wasn’t the race Adam was looking for.

“I’m disappointed,” Adam says, like a knife to Kaoru’s heart.

The best he can say is, “I’m sorry. I’ll do better.”

But Adam is already looking at him with those cold eyes, and Kaoru knows this is the beginning of the end.

____________________

Sometimes, Adam still kisses him. Sometimes, on nights when he’s feeling especially pent-up and doesn’t want to go home, they still sneak back to Kaoru’s room and fuck in secret. Kojiro doesn’t like spending time with Adam anymore, not since their race, and Kaoru can’t even blame him; Adam has been dismissive of Kojiro since then, which isn’t fair.

They were all friends, once. And now it feels like Adam against the two of them, no matter how desperately Kaoru wants to put everything back together.

He misses the way Adam used to flirt with him and tease him. Yes, they still kiss and fuck and sleep beside each other for a few fleeting hours some nights, but it’s nothing like the passion-fueled relationship they built together. Kaoru can feel Adam pulling away with every passing day, and every night, he feels another hairline crack form on his heart.

There are rumors now, spread by Adam’s old gang, that paint Adam in an awful light. It’s a struggle for Kaoru as to whether or not he wants to believe them. He knows Adam has changed, but he also knows the person Adam is beneath the reckless and careless behavior.

It ends on a weekend during sunset.

There’s no warning; one moment he’s with Kojiro, trying to understand why Adam doesn’t come out anymore, doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh, doesn’t want to hold Kaoru’s hand or whisk him away to somewhere secret, doesn’t want to skate with him and Kojiro anymore. The next, he’s telling them both dispassionately that he’s moving away. He’s not even looking at Kaoru.

The cracks in his heart that have been collecting for the past couple of months are at their breaking point. He’s being held together with tension and anger right now, but later…

A car is waiting for Adam just out of earshot. Kaoru knows because he watched Adam step out of it a few minutes ago and thought maybe, foolishly, that Adam was coming to see him. But Adam delivers his news, and turns to go, and all Kaoru can think is that he _has_ to say something, _anything_ , and reaches out for Adam’s hand in a horrible, warped mirror of the first night they kissed.

Adam freezes when their hands connect. He turns his head just enough to look at Kaoru out of the corner of his eye. He doesn’t reel him in or meet him in the middle. He just waits.

And Kaoru doesn’t know what to say.

He tugs once, hoping Adam will come to him, but he doesn’t. And Adam doesn’t say anything, either.

Adam yanks his hand away when it’s obvious that Kaoru has nothing planned, and so Kaoru watches him go. He watches as a driver, barely older than the three of them, gets out of the car and opens the door to let Adam in. Adam is silent, always looking ahead of himself, and he doesn’t so much as wave when the door closes and the car disappears into the distance.

“Kaoru?”

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Kaoru knows his hands are shaking. He can’t stop them. He feels like his whole foundation is crumbling.

“Hey…” Kojiro’s soft voice numbs him, keeping him stable for the time being. “Wanna come back to my place? My parents are away for the weekend. I’ll make you something good.”

Kaoru nods. It’s a blur, getting there, but he trusts Kojiro not to let him fall.

It’s only once they’re there, in Kojiro’s room where it’s safe and familiar, that everything comes crashing down.

Adam is gone.

Adam, the boy who turned his life upside down and showed him how it felt to be in love, is gone, and he barely even said goodbye.

“I’m gonna go get dinner started,” Kojiro says when Kaoru is settled at the edge of his bed, but as he turns to go, Kaoru reaches out to snatch his wrist and hold him in place.

“Wait— I—”

That’s all he manages before the dam breaks, and he’s overcome with so much pain that he can’t possibly hold it all in.

“ _Kojiro_.”

Kojiro drops it all and comes to him, takes him in his arms and holds him while he sobs, while his heart shatters into a million tiny pieces.

“Why didn’t he want me?” he says through gasping breaths. “Why wasn’t I good enough?”

“You _are_ good enough,” Kojiro says, tightening his grip and smoothing his hand up and down Kaoru’s back. “You’re amazing, Kaoru.”  
  
“I’m not. I’m not,” he sobs, “but I will be. When he comes back, I’ll be _better_. I’ll be the best he’s ever seen.”

Kojiro’s fingers thread in his hair, and it hurts, because it feels too much like when Adam would touch him and play with his hair and whisper pretty words in his ear.

“Let him go,” Kojiro says. It sounds like a plea. Kaoru barely hears it. “He’s not good enough for you.”

_I’m not good enough for him_.

“Please,” Kojiro whispers. “Please don’t cry over him.”

Kaoru doesn’t listen. He can’t. All he can feel is hurt and heartbreak and overwhelming inadequacy. Who ever said love was a happy feeling? Love is awful. Love makes people stupid. He curls into Kojiro and hides his face in the cradle of his neck and shoulder.

“I’m never falling in love again,” he declares. “It’s not worth it.”

“Oh, Kaoru…”

“It’s not worth it.”

He doesn’t know how long he lets Kojiro hold him there. But when it’s over and he’s cried himself out, he feels like something has changed in him. His heart feels harder.

It’s a good thing.

“Are you okay?” Kojiro asks at long last.

Kaoru sniffles one last time, wipes his nose, dries his tears.

“Yeah,” he decides. “I’ll be fine.”


End file.
